Breakin’ hearts and rippin’ farts:
Kim wafted into the hair salon immediately blaming other people for what was clearly her own cheek flapper. Pete’s eyes were stinging; he would have to do this do with his eyes closed. Now nobody is looking her way when she plays a couple notes on the bum trumpet. Let ‘er rip Kim!
She’ll only come out at night:
When she tiptoed into Pete’s salon, Jan was a bashful little damsel. As cute as a bug’s dink she was. But Pete could see, inside this teensy-weensy wallflower beat the heart of a lioness. Now here she comes; watch out boys, she’ll chew you up; she’s a man-eater! Let your freak flag fly Jan!
Giving Covid-19 a Jolly Rogering:
When he first darkened the door of Pete’s studio, Drake was a wretchedly unhappy, groin punch of a man with no qualms about shit-talking your preschooler’s piss-poor artwork. Thanks to Pete, Drake has traded crusty socks for golden locks and now he’s DTF you up and plunder your booty! Long may yer big jib draw me ol’ cock!
Nicutus of Alborga:
When Nick breezed into the studio already looking like a breath of fresh air in a summer dress Pete didn’t know how to improve on such beauty. But he dug deep and pulled out another irresistible look, just in time for Spring. Nick can add my biological distinctiveness to his own any time!!!
He love it when you call him ‘Big Papa Christmas’:
Jay used to be an angry albino oompa loompa, but then Pete fixed him up with this dope-ass fade. Now Jay is fresh A F and ready to hit the clubs… in 12 to 16 weeks… Hang in there Jay!